Playing It Safe Is Just Playing November 11, 2009

When I was a little girl I would play make-believe with my friends – as most young kids do. We would play house, Barbies, race cars, when I was in 2^nd grade, at recess, my best friend and I would play that we were left behind in the wilderness. We had to (pretend to) build our own shelter, live off the land, and protect ourselves for wild animals. We would sit there for hours on end and put our imaginary selves in scary and threatening positions, excited for the day when we would be all grown up and our day dreams could become reality. It is true, I may have danced to the beat of my own drummer growing up (even now probably), but I guarantee I was not the only child who did such things.

Sadly, as we grow up, that excited explorers spirit and determination to experience everything life has to offer fades. Whether it is due to fear of failure, disappointment, or lack of encouragement that innocent child, with high hopes and expectations, gets hushed and shoved deep into the shaded areas of our souls. Instead of being out in the world, plucking each and every opportunity that peaks our interest from the conveyer belt of life, we stay back, we don’t even get close enough to see what is passing us by. I’m not a real big country music fan, but I have to give credit to Garth Brooks. He hit the nail on the head with his lyrics “Life is not tried – it is merely survived, if you’re standing outside the fire”. (I can never just read or say that, its always sung in my head)

I suffered from symptoms of pansy-ass-itis myself once. Still do on occasion. I have always had this big grand plan of picking up and heading out on my own. A life in the big city! I wouldn’t know anyone, or where anything is, but I would have the most amazing adventure! Meet new people, eat new food, and experience an abundant multitude of awesomeness. But when it came to stop talking about it, and start working towards it, planning it all out. I cowered. Excuse after excuse; I won’t have any money to do it, I need to have a stable footing and a huge safety net in place preemptively. A safety net so large, that it would take too long to even get to where I need to be in order to move.  I won’t know anyone, or where anything is. It wasn’t until speaking with a friend that I realized exactly what I was doing. I was allowing very things I was looking forward to scare me off. I was scared to death. Scared I wouldn’t be able to hack it, and have to come crawling home, tail between my legs, to mommy. That fear, the fear of not being perfect at something has crippled me. There have been so many things in my life that I have given up on or not even attempted  because of that fear. But just as the old saying goes, the first step on the road to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well… Hi, my name is Erin, and I am a Kakorrhaphiophobic. (Don’t worry I can’t pronounce it either, I had to Google it. It means a phobia of failure.)

Getting a firm grip on my ‘problem’ has helped tremendously. I still have the plan to move, I also still have the fear. The difference this time is I am not letting that fear control me. I acknowledge its existence – but I do not let it stand in my way. Tal Ben-Shahar, author of one of the best books ever, The Pursuit of Perfect, said “we must learn to fail, or fail to learn”. Another great quote mostly attributed to Mark Twain is “I regret not the things I’ve done, but those I did not do”. I think Shahar, Twain, and Brooks would all agree, we need to throw fear out the window and start living. Life should be about taking risks, and knowing one way or another you will get a positive ROI. We should all be “convinced it’s not living, if we’re standing outside the fire”! (<– to be sung not said!)

All Good Things Come To an End to Allow New Ones to Begin November 3, 2009

My life has been busy as a result my blog’s been suffering. But on the bright side, a have a whole slew of quotes to choose from. This quote as been hanging out in my Tea Quote bank – a draw in my desk at work – for quite some time now, just waiting for its chance to inspire. Well today is its day! When I read this quote for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I was anxious to write about it. It gave me a new outlook on endings in my life; a much healthier outlook. Often times I, as well as many other I assume, see endings as a bad, painful, regrettable events. The end of a loved one’s life, the end of relationships, the end of a good book or movie, even the end of a cereal box (my own personal horror), these are all things most people dread. Unless it was a negative thing in my life, I don’t think I have every chose to view the passing of someone or something in my life as a positive. I use the word chose, because I believe we all have a choice on how we experience or perceive the things that happen to us.

This may start sounding a bit esoteric, but bear with me if you will. I am a firm believer that God doesn’t give us anything we cannot handle. The obstacle placed in front of us may seem impossible in the moment, but it’s to be met with confidence. There’s a lesson to be learned; a life to be enriched. I am currently reading an amazing book that has helped me to view loss and failure as a productive necessity in life. The chapter that stands out to me the most describes life’s experiences as bricks. Each time we have new experience, or gain a new bit of knowledge, we add another brick to our structure. When we’re starting out in life the foundation for this structure is narrow and unstable and eventually – inevitably – something happens, a loss, an end, an earth shaking event that demolishes your structure of experience. All you’re left with is a big pile of rubble forcing you to rebuild. But this time your foundation is wider, stronger, and more able to handle outside stresses. In the process of picking up the pieces you reorganize your experiences, and gaining a different, better understanding of the world you live in. This will happen numerous times in our lives, and each time we will rebuild stronger and happier – if that’s the way you approach it. That is why we must have loss – it forces us to grow.

As much pain as it has caused me, I continue to enjoy in just going with the flow. Taking in all life throws at me as well as all it takes away. I don’t really understand people who try to control every aspect of their lives. Who, or what, they allow in it, for what duration, and when they push them, or it, out. It’s not all that often that life gives us gifts worth real substantial value. When presented with one I try to hold on to it till I can’t anymore, but just as the quote says, each end brings about new beginnings. Emerson said “What lies behind us, and what lies in front of us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us”. Life is all a matter of how we view it.