The idea for this post came about from a few of different sources. The first being the tea tag I read a couple days ago. The second, is the that I often draw inspiration from things that have happened to me or my family in the past when writing or even just thinking about what I want out of life; what direction I will take next. And the third and final, It’s My pa’s birthday and seeing how I am excessively broke momentarily, what a better (and free) gift then to express what he means to me, and what he has done, and continues to do for my life, for the whole world (or my small world of readers) to read. This has the potential to be a little lengthy, so take this time to grab a caffeine free diet coke and peanut butter & mayo sammich, get comfy, and enjoy the story!
January(ish), 1992(ish), there’s a knocks at the door. Mom rushes down the steps, her best perfume on, hair froofed as high as the early 90’s would allow. I, just barely 7, was wondering who is here? Santa just came, the Easter Bunny would be really early, and the ‘Sperm Donor’ is never on time. I could tell Mom was nervous; the threat of perspiration de-fluffing her hair loomed in the air like Death in a hospital. Something was amiss. The door opened and a stranger was invited in. Tall, White, and Nerdy…. Who the hell? Honestly folks, from here my memory is a bit spotty. It was moms date, and my unknown future step father. I didn’t like him. Nope, I didn’t want my mom spending any time with this man. But it seemed to me like I didn’t have much choice in the matter, and try as I might, and believe me I tried, nothing would ever, EVER, change that simple fact. One year later, on the way to their wedding, I proclaimed “I give it one year!” And now, sixteen years later, I am still being proven wrong day in and day out.
Looking retrospectively on my actions then, I wouldn’t chang a thing. Not to say that I wasn’t wrong in my behavior, but to change the way I acted would have changed the way he reacted. And that could have devastating consequences to who I am and where I am in my life right now. When I read the quote “When you’re not sure where you are headed, look to where you come from” That is exactly what I think of. My real father wasn’t present much while I was growing up, so the responsibility fell on my unsuspecting step father. He had two kids of his own, about the same ages as me and my sister, so he probably thought it would be an easy task taking on two more. HA! He didn’t have a clue! I was a challenge to say the least. Looking back on how I was, it makes me almost cringe at the idea of have a kid in fear he/she will be even half as bad as I was. However, he took the bull by the horns and even though sometimes he may have lost his temper or overreacted, he set a high standard I have come to expect from myself and live by.
When we are young, and we don’t get the toy we want or when we are being tugged at by the feet while clinging for dear life to the frozen food section in the grocery store, we are blinded, or just not cognitively advanced enough to see the good intentions behind our parent’s actions. However, being an adult now, I can see things in a whole new light, and appreciate certain aspects of my disciplined childhood a great deal more. I may not have got to do everything my friends did, or gotten away with much, but the end result more than pays off for it. The constant moral tug-of-war between the ones raising you and the outside world has got to be rather tiresome. It’s very clear to see why, in today’s society, so many kids are in gangs, in jail, or well on their way. The tedious fight for their offspring’s soul is never ending. So, the mere fact that I turned out as well adjusted and capable as I am is due, primarily, to the successful attempts made by my Dad (previously referred to as step father), and my Mother, but I will tell you all about her in a upcoming post (her birthday is soon too).
In past birthday cards I have written similar things, “thank for helping me become who I am today…” and all that jazz, but I have never really explained the level of true gratitude I have. I hope this next part doesn’t make me sound conceded in any way – I may not be in my dream job, or have the Range Rover I reverie, or live in the city and home I imagine for myself, but I do truly love who I am. I am a confident, strong, able, independent, young woman. Yes, I have my fears and doubts, but in most cases I don’t let that hold me back. I have attempted great things, and sometimes I succeed, most times I fail. But I have always been picked up and set straight. The ways I feel about myself are a direct result of my upbringing. I was always surrounded by love and support. When I expected to only here ‘I told you so’s’ I got nothing of the sort. Instead, I was embraced and reminded that when we fall, it is those who care most for us who stand us up, dust of the dirt, and give us the confidence and strength to give it another go. So Dad, thank you! Thank you for simply being there, for all the lessons you’ve taught me, for setting a superb example, and helping mold me into this amazing creature sitting at the computer desk typing this very post. (Ok that may be a bit conceded – but hey I can’t deny the truth, it’s just not my style)
There is one more thing I have to add, to thank for. I may or may not have expressed this to my Paps before, but like I said before, never in this amount of detail. When my then step father-now Dad came into our lives, I couldn’t see his importance, not only to mine and my sister’s upbringing, but also to my Mother’s sanity and quality of life. Once again, now being an adult, I can see things a world differently, and He (my Dad) was definitely a gift from God. Given the situation Mom was in, I am sure she made the best of it, but it couldn’t have been easy. But he swooped in atop his noble steed, shiny armor and all, and saved the day – so to speak. This past weekend set this image in stone for me. I went on a trip to Lake Havasu with my parents and a few of their friends, I have been on trips with them before but normally I have a friend with me, distracting me. This time I felt almost as if I was observing the creatures known as parents in their most natural state. I almost felt like I should have been documenting the whole event. But the serious lack of drunken mayhem and sever amount of over-sharing would have proven to make one unentertaining, slightly disturbing film (sorry folks). But what I did witness that is extremely noteworthy is the amount of love and respect still present in my parent’s relationship, something that is extraordinary and awfully rare in this world. So here is another thank you Dad. Thank you for coming into our lives, and for being the man my Mother deserves, and for showing me that quality men actually do exist, and aren’t something you hear followed by ”happily ever after”.
This is a bit late I know, but I wanted to make sure I got it all out right. I hope you had a wonderful 49th birthday Dad. I love you Pops!
