When You Not Sure Where You Are Headed, Look To Where You Come From October 20, 2009

The idea for this post came about from a few of different sources. The first being the tea tag I read a couple days ago. The second, is the that I often draw inspiration from things that have happened to me or my family in the past when writing or even just thinking about what I want out of life; what direction I will take next. And the third and final, It’s My pa’s birthday and seeing how I am excessively broke momentarily, what a better (and free) gift then to express what he means to me, and what he has done, and continues to do for my life, for the whole world (or my small world of readers) to read. This has the potential to be a little lengthy, so take this time to grab a caffeine free diet coke and peanut butter & mayo sammich, get comfy, and enjoy the story!

January(ish), 1992(ish), there’s a knocks at the door.  Mom rushes down the steps, her best perfume on, hair froofed as high as the early 90’s would allow. I, just barely 7, was wondering who is here? Santa just came, the Easter Bunny would be really early, and the ‘Sperm Donor’ is never on time.  I could tell Mom was nervous; the threat of perspiration de-fluffing her hair loomed in the air like Death in a hospital. Something was amiss.   The door opened and a stranger was invited in. Tall, White, and Nerdy…. Who the hell? Honestly folks, from here my memory is a bit spotty. It was moms date, and my unknown future step father. I didn’t like him. Nope, I didn’t want my mom spending any time with this man. But it seemed to me like I didn’t have much choice in the matter, and try as I might, and believe me I tried, nothing would ever, EVER, change that simple fact. One year later, on the way to their wedding, I proclaimed “I give it one year!” And now, sixteen years later, I am still being proven wrong day in and day out.

Looking retrospectively on my actions then, I wouldn’t chang a thing. Not to say that I wasn’t wrong in my behavior, but to change the way I acted would have changed the way he reacted. And that could have devastating consequences to who I am and where I am in my life right now. When I read the quote “When you’re not sure where you are headed, look to where you come from” That is exactly what I think of. My real father wasn’t present much while I was growing up, so the responsibility fell on my unsuspecting step father. He had two kids of his own, about the same ages as me and my sister, so he probably thought it would be an easy task taking on two more. HA! He didn’t have a clue! I was a challenge to say the least. Looking back on how I was, it makes me almost cringe at the idea of have a kid in fear he/she will be even half as bad as I was. However, he took the bull by the horns and even though sometimes he may have lost his temper or overreacted, he set a high standard I have come to expect from myself and live by.

When we are young, and we don’t get the toy we want or when we are being tugged at by the feet while clinging for dear life to the frozen food section in the grocery store, we are blinded, or just not cognitively advanced enough to see the good intentions behind our parent’s actions. However, being an adult now, I can see things in a whole new light, and appreciate certain aspects of my disciplined childhood a great deal more. I may not have got to do everything my friends did, or gotten away with much, but the end result more than pays off for it. The constant moral tug-of-war between the ones raising you and the outside world has got to be rather tiresome. It’s very clear to see why, in today’s society, so many kids are in gangs, in jail, or well on their way. The tedious fight for their offspring’s soul is never ending. So, the mere fact that I turned out as well adjusted and capable as I am is due, primarily, to the successful attempts made by my Dad (previously referred to as step father), and my Mother, but I will tell you all about her in a upcoming post (her birthday is soon too).

In past birthday cards I have written similar things, “thank for helping me become who I am today…” and all that jazz, but I have never really explained the level of true gratitude I have. I hope this next part doesn’t make me sound conceded in any way – I may not be in my dream job, or have the Range Rover I reverie, or live in the city and home I imagine for myself, but I do truly love who I am. I am a confident, strong, able, independent, young woman. Yes, I have my fears and doubts, but in most cases I don’t let that hold me back. I have attempted great things, and sometimes I succeed, most times I fail. But I have always been picked up and set straight. The ways I feel about myself are a direct result of my upbringing. I was always surrounded by love and support. When I expected to only here ‘I told you so’s’ I got nothing of the sort. Instead, I was embraced and reminded that when we fall, it is those who care most for us who stand us up, dust of the dirt, and give us the confidence and strength to give it another go. So Dad, thank you! Thank you for simply being there, for all the lessons you’ve taught me, for setting a superb example, and helping mold me into this amazing creature sitting at the computer desk typing this very post. (Ok that may be a bit conceded – but hey I can’t deny the truth, it’s just not my style)

There is one more thing I have to add, to thank for. I may or may not have expressed this to my Paps before, but like I said before, never in this amount of detail. When my then step father-now Dad came into our lives, I couldn’t see his importance, not only to mine and my sister’s upbringing, but also to my Mother’s sanity and quality of life. Once again, now being an adult, I can see things a world differently, and He (my Dad) was definitely a gift from God. Given the situation Mom was in, I am sure she made the best of it, but it couldn’t have been easy. But he swooped in atop his noble steed, shiny armor and all, and saved the day – so to speak. This past weekend set this image in stone for me. I went on a trip to Lake Havasu with my parents and a few of their friends, I have been on trips with them before but normally I have a friend with me, distracting me. This time I felt almost as if I was observing the creatures known as parents in their most natural state. I almost felt like I should have been documenting the whole event. But the serious lack of drunken mayhem and sever amount of over-sharing would have proven to make one unentertaining, slightly disturbing film (sorry folks). But what I did witness that is extremely noteworthy is the amount of love and respect still present in my parent’s relationship, something that is extraordinary and awfully rare in this world. So here is another thank you Dad. Thank you for coming into our lives, and for being the man my Mother deserves, and for showing me that quality men actually do exist, and aren’t something you hear followed by ”happily ever after”.

This is a bit late I know, but I wanted to make sure I got it all out right. I hope you had a wonderful 49^th birthday Dad. I love you Pops!

“Happiness is every human’s birthright” October 8, 2009

I know that I say each day I have a cup of tea and write about what that tea string tag had to say. But the truth is, sometimes I have two, maybe three, cups of tea a day, and other days I don’t have any. So from those days when I enjoy a second or third ration of delicious golden nectar, I have additional tea bits of wisdom to distribute over the days I reach for a more caffeinated beverage or to give me some wiggle room on the topics to write about. You see, some days I just don’t feel like writing about letting your heart guide you, or letting your soul breathe.  I pull more of my inspiration to write on from what is in my head, what I have been thinking about for a few days, or even just at the moment, not so much of it comes from the tea quote itself but how it relates to my life. Today’s quote comes to you from the archive of inspiration.

I decided to write on this excerpt today because the idea of happiness has been on my mind the past couple of days. What exactly is it? Does it have an actual definition, or is it relative? Does its definition depend on the person it applies to? How does one attain said happiness? And, as the quotations states, is it our birthright? I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but this is what I have come up with. God, or whatever higher power you believe in, wants us to be happy, that I am sure of. But is that happiness he wants for us based off our idea of happy, or his? Is happiness a gift or a reward? Is it just given to us or is it something we work toward? I think both are true. There are simple things in life that make us, who know to appreciate them, happy. A beautiful sunset, the sound of birds singing in the morning, the crisp fall night air, watching children play and hearing their laughter, are all examples of simple moments that bring happiness to our lives. They are all out of our control. They are natural, pure, organic moments we simply get to sit back and enjoy. These are the gifts given to us to enrich our experience here on earth.

The other end of the happiness spectrum is the rewards. What is a reward? Something you strive for, a goal, a positive end result, motivation, a driving force. I’ve found myself saying the same thing to several different people in the past few months, but it’s something I strongly believe in, and  after all knowledge is meant to be passed along isn’t it? “You must take an active role in your happiness” or some variation of it. You can’t just sit on the side lines thinking about what you want out of life or what would make you happy. You have to go out there and make it, take it! Your level of potential happiness is only limited by your minds ability to imagine it. That’s not to say you have to think large to achieve happiness, after all the man who moved a mountain started by removing stones. I was corresponding with a good friend this morning on happiness and what it means, what brings happiness into our lives. She opened my eyes to the smaller, simpler happiness rewards in life, before speaking with her my mind was on the big life events, work, money, where you live, but she thought happiness, everyday happiness, was a much less complicated thing.

She gave me a list off the top of her head of things that make each day happy in her world. Among them were: When I get a text from my honey that just says “MUAH”, finishing my morning workout and realizing how strong I am, Hearing my kids say “I love you mommy”, coming home to a clean house. All these things are rewards in the sense that you have to put some work into them before you can reap the reward. Relationships aren’t always easy; they require work to stay happy and healthy. Motivating yourself can be a challenge; the comfort of a warm bed can tempt you to ignore the gym is calling your name at 5 am. Raising children who are appreciative and loving can be a tricky task. And in order to come home to a clean house, you have to clean it. All these things require effort on her part. Yet she does them without a moment’s hesitation, because she knows that without daily maintenances her world would be a less happy place.

I think I may have started to ramble, so I digress. My point, what I am really trying to say, is while happiness may be our birthright; we still have to work for it. We have to put the effort in to accomplishing our goals in life, recognize and be thankful for the gifts we’re given, and learn to maintain the happiness we’ve achieved. It seems like a lot of work, but really, what other option do we have?

Keep Up! October 2, 2009

Today’s tea tag told me to keep up. “What?!?” I quietly shouted. Keep up- How insightful. Not!!! I guess the tea company hired a few less than enlightened writers. Oh well, maybe tomorrow’s tea will be more fruitful. So I set it aside, and went on with my task at hand- keyword gathering. Yippee!

But as the day progressed I continued mulling over my tea quote. “Keep up” hmmmm…. Keep up at work? Keep up with fashion? Keep up with what? I become rather annoyed when I don’t fully understand something and there is no one around to explain it to me, but I couldn’t let this one go. Just then, as I reached for a super fatty, not good for me, Fruit Bar from Great Harvest (something I try to always limit if not avoid completely), it hit me.

KEEP UP- with yourself. Keep up with your goals, with your own expectations. Don’t let you get in your own way. So often, we as humans, set goals for ourselves and after a week or two we allow them to fall by the wayside. I am just as guilty of this as anyone else out there, I’ve made a commitment to my body that I have let slip through the greasy, sugary, fired cracks. I set a goal for myself quite some time ago to only put things in my body that would nourish it, and while my delicious Fruit Bar has nutritious properties, all-in-all it’s still considered a ‘don’t’.

I owe a bit of thanks to the delectable treat I consumed, I was able to understand what otherwise may have plagued me all day. But I say farewell to it. I am going to practice what I preach and stick to my previous goal.  I am going to keep up with myself, as best as I can. Sure, I am bound to hit a few bumps in the road, or trip over a stick (that sound a whole lot more my style) but just because I fall and scrap my knee doesn’t mean I give up on the journey, right? There are so many cliché sayings I could interject here; if you get bucked off the horse, climb back on and show him who’s boss. Life’s a series of consecutive 50 yard hurdles, you may catch your foot and fall on your face, but you must stay in the race (I made that one up)….. but I will stop right there.

I have always thought life is about constantly improving one’s self, persistently striving for the bigger and better. How can that be accomplished if we allow slack in the tether between us and our objectives?  It’s a common problem for many people today, we let laziness rule. That has got to change! So take charge, It’s like my dad always said about my 9^th grade math class, it’s a lot easier to keep up than to catch up!

May Your Light Become a Living Universal Light October 1, 2009

This Tea Quote reminds me of what Gandi said “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”. One way I am being the change I would like to see in the world is by picking up garbage on the street, sidewalks, while strolling through parks est. That is my light, my example at which I live by and hope that others will follow. Taking an active role in change is the only way to get things done. You can’t just sit on the sidelines saying what you want to change. You must take the lead, be a go getter.

Taking charge or leading by example doesn’t have to be major look-at-me actions either, for those who shy from the limelight, start small. It could be something as simple as dropping a slip of paper into a suggestion box. That’s where I started. At my last job, a large company with thousands of employees, I noticed how much waste was produced every single day in the break room. Paper plates, plastic bottles, and my most loathed, Styrofoam, overflowed from the trash cans. It almost hurt my soul knowing all that would end up piled in a landfill somewhere for the next thousand years. So I took action. And all that was needed to start the ball rolling was a piece of paper that said “start recycling in the break rooms”. Within a week’s time there were three new receptacles in the various break rooms. Not only did that please me, but the quick response on it gave me the confidence to take a more direct approach. From then on I was very vocal about recycling and reminded people to use the new bins.

Getting my manager to use email to share documents rather than printed pages proved to be rather difficult, and even though it was an up heal battle I still fought it, day in and day out. I even became my team’s official paper recycler. I had a box near my desk where everyone would put unwanted papers (mostly from the print outs our manager loved) instead of in the trash can. So no matter what it is, how big or small, if you believe in something, let it be known! Share your light; action encourages it to grow brighter, so that one day it can light the whole world.